Dealing with Master Manipulators: A Compassionate, Emotionally Intelligent Approach

As a life coach, I've worked with many clients who have endured the damaging effects of manipulation and control. It's a tricky topic, one that requires a nuanced understanding of human behaviour and a healthy dose of self-awareness. But I'm here to tell you - you can break free from the grip of a master manipulator. It just takes the right mindset and skill set.

You see, master manipulators are experts at exploiting our deepest insecurities and emotional vulnerabilities. They've honed their craft, becoming dangerously skilled at pulling the strings and maintaining dominance. But their tactics, no matter how subtle or sophisticated, all stem from the same root cause - a profound lack of self-worth.

These individuals are so terrified of feeling powerless that they'll do whatever it takes to stay in control. And unfortunately, that often means leaving a trail of emotional wreckage in their wake. But as painful as those wounds can be, with the right approach, they can heal.

Let's dive into some of the most common manipulation tactics, so you can recognize them when they crop up:

"I'm just joking." This seemingly innocuous phrase can be a wolf in sheep's clothing. When a manipulator uses it to dismiss your valid feelings or sweep their hurtful words under the rug, it's a red flag. They're trying to make you question your own perception of reality.

"Remember when..." Ah, the classic guilt trip. Manipulators love to dredge up your past mistakes or embarrassments, often in an effort to undermine your self-confidence. Don't fall for it - your value isn't defined by your flaws.

"You're different from the others." Isolation is a powerful manipulation tactic, and this statement is a wolf in sheep's clothing. The manipulator is trying to make you feel special, while simultaneously cutting you off from your support system.

"Why are you so upset?" This is a classic gaslighting technique. The manipulator is trying to make you doubt your own emotions and experiences. Stand firm in your reality - your feelings are valid, and no one has the right to dismiss them.

"If you loved me, you'd do it." Emotional blackmail is a manipulator's bread and butter. Don't let them guilt you into doing something you're uncomfortable with. Your autonomy and boundaries deserve respect.

"You owe me." This is all about shifting the power dynamic and making you feel indebted. Don't let them hold past favours or mistakes over your head. You're not obligated to repay them in ways that compromise your well-being.

"I feel the same way." Mirroring is a common tactic used to build a false sense of connection and trust. Pay attention to whether their words and actions actually align. Manipulators are masters of deception.

"You were lucky." Ah, the backhanded compliment. This is a subtle way for the manipulator to undermine your achievements and make you question your own capabilities. Don't let them diminish your hard-earned success.

"I have what you need." This is the manipulator's way of positioning themselves as the saviour, the one person who can fulfil all your needs. It's a seductive trap, meant to make you dependent on them. Resist the urge to buy into this narrative.

Now, I know all of this can feel overwhelming. Manipulation is a complex beast, and it takes time and practice to develop the emotional intelligence to navigate it. But I'm here to tell you - it's entirely possible.

The key is to approach this journey with self-compassion and a willingness to learn. Recognize that the manipulator's behaviour is a reflection of their own deep-seated issues, not a commentary on their worth. Cultivate a strong sense of self-esteem that isn't reliant on their approval or validation.

And most importantly, don't be afraid to set boundaries, walk away, and seek support when needed. You deserve relationships built on mutual respect and trust. With the right tools and mindset, you can reclaim your power and create the life you truly desire.

Both women and men can be manipulators or victims of control. If you are a manipulator, it is a learned behaviour you will have picked up as a child and developed over the years. If you are committed to changing this behaviour pattern, we can teach you other more productive communication skills so you don't have a need to desire to control and manipulate. We can help victims and perpetrators break free from the grip of manipulation, once and for all and we do this work in the Shine Program. Reach out if you need support.

Coach Fiona May

Women On Transition