As a divorce coach who has worked with countless women, I have to be upfront - the concept of a "fair" divorce is largely a myth. In my experience, the dissolution of a marriage is rarely an equitable process, no matter how hard both parties try.

I know that's a tough pill to swallow, but it's important to manage your expectations from the start. Too often, I see women entering the divorce process with the mindset that if they can just argue their case strongly enough, they'll come out with a 50/50 split or complete vindication. The reality is much messier.

Why is divorce so inherently unfair? There are a few key factors at play:

1. Emotions cloud judgment. When you're dealing with the heartbreak of a marriage ending, it's incredibly difficult to make clear-headed, logical decisions. Feelings of anger, betrayal, and grief can cause you to lash out or dig your heels in, even if it's not in your best interest.

2. The legal system has its limits. While the courts aim to be objective, there's only so much they can do to account for the complexities of each unique situation. They have to work within established laws and precedents, which don't always produce a truly fair outcome.

3. Women often start at a disadvantage. Many midlife women put their careers on the back burner to focus on caregiving and household duties during a marriage. This often makes it harder to achieve financial independence post-divorce, putting them in a weaker negotiating position.

I know these realities can feel disheartening, but please don't lose hope. While your divorce may not be "fair" in the strictest sense, there are ways you can increase your chances of getting the best possible outcome.

The key is to approach the process with clear eyes, a level head, and a commitment to your own personal growth. Instead of getting mired in anger or resentment, channel that energy into becoming the most emotionally intelligent, self-assured version of yourself.

How do you do that? Start by examining the limiting beliefs that may be holding you back. Things like "I'll never be able to support myself" or "I don't deserve a good settlement" can become self-fulfilling prophecies if you don't address them.

Working with a Divorce Coach to unpack where these beliefs came from and replacing them with more empowering mindset beliefs is the best place to start. Build up your emotional intelligence, financial literacy and negotiation skills. Invest in your health, both physical and mental. The more you can show up as a centred, confident woman, the better you'll be able to advocate for your needs.

I also encourage you to shift your definition of "fairness." Rather than focusing on an equal 50/50 split, think about what you truly need to move forward and start the next chapter of your life on solid footing. In many cases, that may look like getting your fair share, but it doesn't have to mean a perfectly even division.

At the end of the day, the goal isn't perfection - it's progress. Your divorce may not check every box of "fairness," but you can still come out of it in a good place. With the right mindset and support system, you can use this challenging transition as an opportunity for profound personal growth and a fresh start.

So let go of the idea of a "fair" divorce, and instead commit to becoming the happiest, most empowered version of yourself. I promise the light at the end of the tunnel is brighter than you can imagine.

We run a divorce support group where our expert coaches hold weekly coaching calls and Q&A sessions is Women On Transition

We want the best for you and our advice is to GROW beyond the pain, HEAL from the heartbreak, and create a beautiful new life for yourself and your family.

Fiona May Steddy