Hope, Authenticity, and Resilience are the keys to strength as a woman after divorce.

Please don’t live your life trying to please others or according to what others think you should do. Live according to what your heart and mind tell you to do.

In other words, be an authentic woman - to yourself, be true. You are capable of tapping into your authenticity, resilience, and hopefulness. If you do, you can cope when beset by life’s challenges and complications.

A few days ago, I sat with a client. She said to me, “You are so strong”.

Her comment interested me because she viewed me differently as to how I see myself these days. Strength comes easy to me, but through my personal development work, I've had to work on my patience, ability to connect and be softer. It has always been easy for me to be driven and successful but more fulfilling to be well-rounded, consciously aware and flexible.

We discussed her perception and had a “heart talk” and I saw her longing to be “stronger”, and more for herself in her own life. This is where my being “strong” allows me to lend some of that strength to you while you heal and learn to believe in yourself.

I told her, “I am a mix of many things, and strength is in the mix. It came from learning early in my life that I needed to rely on myself. I became resilient and this has been an important part of my evolution. As I matured, I realised that hopefulness was just as important as resilience. And, even later, I learned the importance of being authentic and genuine to my feelings.”

Sweet reader, resilience, hope, and authenticity are three critical factors that give a woman inner strength.

Let’s be honest. Life is a rollercoaster, with ups and downs and people and events disrupting your peace. Some situations can throw us off balance, setbacks can shake us, and society can seem chaotic. With the promise of hope, one’s mind fosters optimism, leading one to the finish line.

You must see the glass as half full and hold onto the belief that things can get better.

Many women struggle because they don’t know how to harness their ability to be authentic and take control of their own happiness and outcomes. They go with the flow, listening to others.

You can harness your own authenticity. Remember, believing in yourself harnesses authenticity and nourishes emotional power.

Learning to speak up while being loving and compassionate requires us to have healthy self-love and boundaries. If you want to enforce your values, beliefs, and the rules you live by, you need to be crystal clear about what they are. You need to know where your thoughts originated from and then consciously chose your new pathway forward, ask the right questions, and say no without apology.

How can you accomplish this? It’s hard to change in midlife, but you can change when you have the right tools, skills, mindset and will.

Having a life map, goals and position statement helps you navigate through any challenge life throws at you. Try, try, try. Stay calm. Do not be swayed by anything or anyone. Believe in yourself. You will feel a sense of genuine pride when you are the captain of your own life.

Since my husband left me, I have had to step up in every area of my life. I have had to do things he did and learn things I didn't even want to know anything about. I've also had to be available emotionally for my kids and family members who were also surprised by our situation. Since having to grow, I have made mistakes countless times. I’ve also had incredible wins. I had a hard time being vulnerable at times and asking for help but it's been a beautiful journey.

Sometimes after an event, I would be upset with myself. I had to teach myself how to stay connected, be inquisitive and to get what I deserve. Trust me, I continue to learn every day and I don't always get it right but these days, I flow through life and feel so grateful and content. I have learned to forgive, be graceful and be my authentic best self.

Remember, we all have missing pieces to fill into our psyche. We can learn to be mindful and transform our thoughts.

A hopeful Woman Is an Enlightened Woman!

Life is filled with complications after divorce, but you must seek out hope and have a new map for your life.

Hopefulness is a form of enlightenment. It is highly nourishing for one’s spirit. It is optimism at its best.

When faced with a new challenge, I always imagine a hopeful outcome. This hopefulness uplifts me and my ability to be resilient, which helps me complete a task.

But life is filled with complications. When confronted with complications, you must turn to hope to inspire you to move forward.

I have also learned to coexist with unresolved problems by discovering ways to find joy. You can, too, as long as you have hope.

I love living a busy and exciting life. I love creating a community for myself and my clients. The point is that with a hopeful attitude, you can find solutions that bring you more joy.

After a separation or divorce, it can feel like life is so hard and for us to go down the rabbit hole and wonder if our lives will improve however you can see the bright side of every situation when you thrive on hope. And you can learn how to master your mind and not let your self-sabotaging behaviours and patterns derail you.

See your cup as half full; never half empty.

Be a Resilient Woman! You are more resilient than you may realise.

After divorce, you are at a stage of life when you can identify with what does not grow older but grows more robust. It is your resilience that will help you weather your storms.

You learned some form of resilience over a lifetime of trials. It is not easy to be resilient when you are facing trauma, stress, and different types of loss. It is time to trust your actions in midlife, put the mettle to the peddle, and soar forward for the next 50 years. Because if not now, when?

“Sweet reader, resilience, hope, and authenticity are three critical factors that give a woman strength.”

Your ability to learn to be resilient comes from within - not from an outside event. The event forces you to plan a survival strategy. You need to ask yourself: How can I survive?

Begin by embracing the challenges and accepting the problems by being proactive and positive. Ask yourself how you can make the situation better.

Here Are Two Examples:

One of my clients' husband had cheated on her with prostitutes. She was making it mean she wasn't good enough and it was her fault he strayed. She was beside herself. I said to her, “Tell yourself he was meeting his own needs for love and see him as a broken little boy who was looking for love and acceptance”. He didn't do it trying to upset you. He wasn't thinking of the consequences. This thought made her more patient and sad for him.” It worked.

Another client asked if she could phone me about her daughter. The daughter was coming to visit after being estranged from her family. The mother was afraid there would be a big argument. I asked her if there was a project they enjoyed doing together. She told me, baking. I told her to have all her baking goods in the kitchen, and they should bake together. It worked!

It is essential to engage yourself in personal development work to grow your mind to gain a higher level of understanding. New emotionally healthy friends, new activities and experiences help you gain self-confidence. These new experiences will give you uplifted self-awareness and acceptance of your situation.

Our realities have all changed. What we once had is gone. Every day is different to what we expected and once hoped it would be however you can develop a new strategy to uplift yourself by adding a new purpose that you are passionate about. Your sadness evolves into lessons that force you to grow and become a more loving and compassionate human being, as holding onto the hurt and judgement kills your soul.

I want you to find personal fulfillment and feed your spirit with love and this will bring you joy.

Your new skills will adjust the way you view yourself, your situation and your life. I am happy to remind you that you are stronger than you e been believing and it only takes you getting out of your own way for you to unleash your power and shine from within.

You can be a resilient woman. Train yourself to be hopeful, authentic and strategic about your needs.

Fiona May x

You can connect with me and my team through Women On Transition.