Do we have to hate our Ex because he left or we chose to leave?

I believe we can process any situation if we put in the work. The processing gets us freedom.

My husband loved me and left me. He had a journey he needed to take on his own. His decision was more about what he was searching for than anything else.

Because I really loved him, I wanted him to be happy (even though it broke my heart) as I believe it would have been selfish of me to not give him the freedom to go and do whatever he thought he needed to do.

Do any of us have the right to hate them and make them wrong for making a decision in regards to how they conduct their life?

Can we learn to accept their decision as just being their choice and not make them wrong because it wasn't what we wanted?

What if we were the one making a choice that we believed was in our best interest and our husband didn't support us. What would that say about him?

Sometimes I see men who leave being hated by their wives and kids because they chose to be in integrity to what they wanted.

But if it isn't what the woman wanted, all hell breaks loose.

It's a bit like, “I'll only love you as long as you are doing and saying what I want you to". "I won't love you if you are true to yourself and you leave me."

Is that not conditional love, control and manipulation?

This is just a different way of looking at things in our quest to understand human psychology.

When we become curious and not fixed in the way we look at things, we open ourselves up to understanding behaviour differently and getting to peace.

I learnt to understand why my husband left and why he did it the way he did. I am clear on the things he wasn't happy with and felt powerless to change.

I know the things I did that contributed to his decision and I take responsibility for that. I know he loved me and he couldn't have done it any differently as he just didn't have the maturity or tools to do so.

When we can understand and respect the fact that they have the right to do whatever they decided to do, we can just accept it.

We can stop resisting it. We are the ones who put meaning to their actions, and it is the meaning we attach that either empowers or disempowers us.

We actually cause our own suffering and pain. Once we change the story, the pain instantly disappears.

We cause our own suffering because we make the fact that they left us mean that there was something wrong with us.

That's not true and that is just our own self-sabotaging story we make up to deal with the hurt and pain.

They chose to leave for their own reasons. We don't have to agree or disagree.

They shouldn't have stayed if they weren't happy and their needs aren't being met. If they were consciously aware of what it is they are chasing, they would have had half a chance to fix it, but this generally isn't the case.

Their actions open new doors for them and new opportunities for us.

As a consequence of that, once you pick yourself up and do your own healing and growth work, you can forgive and will become extremely grateful to them for that.

You’re stronger than you believe.

But if you feel stuck, unable to move on from your past, and the pain brought about by your divorce, then you need to do something, today.

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