Has Your Journey Been Worth It?…. Have you Made Lemonade From Your Lemons…

At first, I was so sad, hurt and I suffered when my “Husbeen” suddenly left me…

But now I can look back and reflect on the past with gratitude and love…

How do you describe your personal journey post-divorce?

Has time healed you?

Are you happier and more confident after your divorce?

Has all your hoping and praying served you and have you moved on to create a new life?

Time doesn't always heal I know… Some people get stuck and life goes downhill after their divorce, they lose what little confidence they had and often slide into depression… They feel powerless to change and don't know how to escape the craziness… and many become victims and blame everyone else for their pain…

Looking back I describe my post-divorce journey like this;

I loved my “Husbeen” for 30 years and are so grateful for the time we had together.

I still respect him, acknowledge his contribution to my life and appreciate who he was for me and for our 3 kids.

It's because I loved him and he loved me that I am able to be happy for him and accept his decision to leave. I don't have to invalidate our marriage, for we were blessed and lived an amazing adventure for 30 years. Nor do I have to invalidate our life or how we once felt, even though it hurt like hell and took me some getting used to…

I see our 30 years as a blessing and I honour our marriage and choose to set it aside with love and respect. I want him to be happy and I accept he is on his own journey. I hope he finds whatever it is he is looking for. I want him to continue to be part of our kids' lives so they are not damaged because of our divorce.

I don't interest myself in his business, have no emotional ties, have healed and although I don't “love” him now, I'll always care and want the best for him.

He is a good man and was good to me for our season. We were babies when we met, we didn't have a rule book but we met each other's imperfect neediness and we fell in love. We created a home, had kids, and built a life. He loved me until he didn't.

At the end of the day, he decided he wanted different things and his plans didn't include me… When I'm honest and look back in hindsight, we had grown apart over the last year and hadn't been meeting each others' 6 human needs.

I don't have to hate him for that as I'm glad once he decided he didn't want to be married, he acted and told me. I would never have wanted to be played and I wouldn't live in a loveless or stagnant marriage.

What I Learnt From Helping Women Thrive After Divorce;

Divorce is the most significant disruptor you'll probably ever have in your life.

It will rock your world, make you question everything you thought you knew and who you thought you were.

It will often bring you to your knees… You'll need to process the pain of being rejected and deal with your own insecurities and inadequacies, and it is tough, but it can change your life for the better.

It makes many face things about themselves that they didn't know and on reflection, they don't like.

Many get stuck as they don't know how to move through the pain. It's wise to reach out and get help to make the transition as it allows them to shorten the suffering cycle, create a new blueprint for their life and continue to move forward.

With help, they heal, grow and are better people because of it. Personal development and self-growth change us in so many ways and we become grateful that the significant event happened as it wakes us up to a new life and a level of inner peace, which we never would have known existed.

Many get off the bigger, better, more pathway they were on, develop more connected an honest relationships with their kids, get to know and develop themselves to a level they've never known, found their life purpose, discovered new passions, advanced in their career and finally feel they have a reason to jump out of bed every morning…

Everything in their life changes, and whilst some have chosen to remain single, they do so from choice.

Others prepared and brought new love into their lives through a man who is their equal on all levels. It has been an amazing, life-changing journey for them all…

Healing allows us to deal with the hurt so it empowers us and doesn't leave us scared, lonely and bitter. Choosing self-love and growth allows us to give up being right, making others wrong, and to learn to act in spite of our fear.

When we come from love and gratitude we can move forward and forgive. We become the best version of ourselves and shine our light for our kids, family and the world. When we heal, we have the power to heal others and everything gets better!

If you chose to draw a line in the sand now, and set about creating your dream future and wrote it all down, what would your journey read like if we were to look back in on your life 1 year from now?

Why not try it – why not design the life you want to be living?

Spend some time today planning what you want your life to look like in 12 months time…

Identify a to-do-list and change the things you can immediately change.

Have a list of medium and longer-term goals and be taking steps every day to move towards your goals.

You can do this! Design the life you want to live – don't live the life you have inherited.

Fiona May

Transition & Relationship Coach

Women On Transition

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