When He’s Alarming, Not Charming — How to Recognise the Red Flags Early

We’ve all been there.

You meet someone new.
You dress up.
You feel hopeful.
He’s attractive, confident, charming. He knows how to talk, how to laugh, how to hold your attention. He pays for dinner even when you offer to split it.

On paper, everything looks right.

And yet… when you get home, something feels off.

He texts — but instead of feeling excited, you feel uneasy. Not alarmed exactly… just not settled.

That feeling matters.

It’s easy to be swept up by chemistry, charm, and attraction — especially when you want love, connection, and companionship. But chemistry is not compatibility, and charm is not character.

When you’re choosing a partner, your job isn’t to ignore your intuition — it’s to listen to it.

Let’s talk about some of the most common red flags women talk themselves out of.

Red Flag #1: It’s Always About Him

He’s a great storyteller. But what are the stories about?

His achievements.
His adventures.
His past conquests.
His experiences.

At first, this can seem like confidence or nerves. But over time, notice this:

Does he make space for your story?
Does he ask questions about your life?
Does he listen — really listen — without needing to redirect the spotlight back to himself?

A healthy relationship requires mutual curiosity and emotional presence. If months go by and everything still revolves around him, his needs, and his validation — that imbalance will eventually show up in more painful ways.

Red Flag #2: How He Treats People Who Can’t Push Back

Pay close attention to how a man treats waitstaff, cashiers, cleaners, or anyone in a service role.

If he’s dismissive, rude, or says things like, “He’s just a waiter,” that’s not stress or tiredness — that’s character.

A man who disrespects people he sees as “less than” will eventually turn that behaviour toward you. Charm does not cancel cruelty. Values matter.

Red Flag #3: The Friends and Family Gap

In a growing relationship, worlds slowly start to merge.

You meet his friends.
He meets your people.
Lives begin to overlap.

If he avoids introducing you to his world — or avoids stepping into yours — it’s worth asking why. Sometimes it’s timing. Sometimes it’s fear. And sometimes… it’s because he’s keeping you compartmentalised.

You deserve to be included, not hidden.

Red Flag #4: Are You Being Treated With Respect?

Backhanded compliments.
Subtle put-downs.
Comments disguised as “jokes.”
Mansplaining.
Minimising your achievements.

If you keep feeling uncomfortable, small, or second-guessing yourself — that’s not you being sensitive. That’s your self-respect asking to be honoured.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be treated well.
There is nothing unreasonable about expecting respect.

Trust Yourself

If something feels off, don’t rush to explain it away.
Don’t minimise it.
Don’t override your intuition because you want it to work.

You are a capable, intelligent woman.
You deserve love that feels safe, respectful, and steady.

And yes — you can have a partner who loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

Your Next Steps

If you want to strengthen your intuition, rebuild self-worth, and learn how to choose emotionally healthy partners:

1. Attend the RESET Your Life & Shine 3-Day Event
A powerful immersion to reset patterns and reconnect with your inner wisdom.
👉 https://bit.ly/ryl-fs

2. Book a Coaching Call With Our Team
For personalised guidance around healing and conscious relationships.
👉 https://link.womenontransition.com/freecall

With love,
Fiona May